Now you all have had a brief glance into our childhood and as you can see very much of what we experienced is completely parallel to each other. How we dealt with it and shared it with our parents though, not so similar.
So we moved into our dorm together and things got off to a great start. I won’t lie and say everything was perfect. Several months in Lauren experienced her first taste of my out of control emotions. At the time I was in an extremely unhealthy relationship, which made me depressed and angry constantly. Being young and feeling worthless, I didn’t feel like I deserved anyone better. So I put up with the verbal abuse, his constant unwarrented criticism. According to him, if I was to even leave my dorm room to go to the grocery store I was being unfaithful to him and being a horrible daughter to my mother. Now I know that makes absolutely no sense, but after listening to it for 2 years it wore on me and got under my skin. So obviously it made me angry and extremely depressed. Now normally I would be good at hiding MY emotions, but I had no clue how to surpress emotions that didn’t belong to me.
Being around so many new people and not having any clue what shielding and grounding myself was, I acted out the only way I knew how. I took my scissors into the bathroom and began to cut myself on my arms and legs. At that one moment in time, it felt as if I could feel all the anger, depression, fear and any other emotion I was feeling just being released through every cut I made. I made sure I made the incisions in places that I could cover up simply with clothing. But no matter how much I hid, Lauren seemed to know that I did something wrong. Maybe that was the first sign of our deep connection. I could feel her disappointment in me and it cut worse than the scissors I had used ever could.
How do I turn this off, I would constantly ask myself. I didnt want to feel this much pain anymore. The only solution I came up with at this point was to just ignore it all. Ignore the colors around everyone, Ignore the feelings I would get around someone, Ignore the headaches and panic attacks I would experience in crowds, ignore the shadows of people I would see, and Ignore the constant dreams I would have.
But I soon found out that ignoring it wasnt going to help. My dearest friend in the world and grandmother, was diagnosed with cancer and it was starting to finally put up an extreme fight with her. The night before she passed away I had a dream about her. She came to me and we just talked like we were hanging out. There was no cryptic talking like they show in the movies when people from “beyond” talk to people from the here and now in the movies. She was just talking to me like we were actually together. Then after we talked about everything we possibly could, she gave me a hug and said “Goodbye”. Now my Mom mom never would say goodbye. She would always say “See you later” or “After while crocodile” but I dont think I ever remember her saying goodbye because goodbye meant we weren’t going to see each other again for a while. So when she said that I knew it really and trully was goodbye. The next thing I remember was my dad shaking me awake to tell me that she had passed away.
When I was at the funeral I literally collapsed from the overwhelming sadness I felt from everyone surrounding me, not to mention my own grief.
That was the first time that I realized whatever was happening to me couldnt be ignored. It was going to happen whether I liked it or not. So then the main thought on my mind is “I am going to hell” or “God hates me” or “Can this really be a Sin”. There was nothing I could do to escape myself and my thoughts. Eventually I turned to smoking and drinking by myself at night for the next year to cope with the battle that was raging in my head. I wanted so bad to research and find out what else was out, to find out if psychic gifts were real, but there was always something holding me back. It was as if something didn’t want me to find out what is all out there; it wanted me to stay in the little box that I had grown up in. And it was one hell of battle to try and break down that wall.
During our second year of college, Lauren and I decided to still live together but I completely just didnt care to be around anyone, even my best friend. I just didnt want to deal with their emotions. I was selfish and just didnt give a damn. This caused a rift in Lauren’s and my relationship.
I was never in our room and left her alone a lot, and finally one night she came to me and said that the following semester she was going to move in with this girl Jessie. And all I could feel was my selfish hurt feelings and didnt even think of as to WHY she was deciding to do this. That night we had the biggest fight of our lives, and it just kept getting worse. We could both feel each other’s anger so intently that we just kept feeding off of it. I could feel all the anger she had built up toward me in that one night, and still not knowing that I was empath, was channeling her anger and didn’t even know half of what I was saying. I left and stayed with a friend that night. After that fight Lauren and I didnt talk for about a semester. We needed time to heal. Even though I was angry for a time, with her gone it felt like the other half of me was missing.
After several months of not speaking to one another, we starting to hang out again. Just out of the blue. If I remeber correctly we had a class together and just started talking like we were old friends. It was as if nothing had ever happened. And during that time when we hadnt spoken, we had both been opened up to a not so narrow view of the world. As soon as our friendship started back up I could literally see a cord that had seemed frayed and broken became mended and tied us together again.
I had started to look up some of the things that were happening to me. One of the things I found was called being an empath. All my symptoms fit and I didnt completely dismiss it, but that wall that was trying to constantly obstruct my view was still in my way. I no longer had the fear that my parents had instilled in me that I was going to hell for being like this. How can I go to hell or be sinning for something I cant help. My mind finally opened up and wonderful and amazing things began to happen.
And now we are finally up to where we become aware of our gifts and except and embrace them.
In Life, Love, and Energy,
Joy (The Circle of 7 Flames)
Energy of Seven 